Easy to use
Enjoy your life and relationships now!
Easy to use
in the palm of your hand
applied from brain research
based on intrinsic motivation
A free tool
making life rewarding
The way people behave and the games they play are not rational and are determined by complex processes. It would help if you know their story, but even then, it is hard to change irrational behavior by rational rules in a given context.
Training new behavior could take weeks or months, provided there is continuous sensorial feedback, until it becomes a habit. Training new habits to optimize a solid structure is a static process which consumes a lot of energy and time, hard to apply to a changing context. Nature, though, is survival of the fittest, which means a dynamic process of easily adapting. If you need comfortable quick actions for changing conditions, requirements, equipment, information or irrational behavior… you have to deal with it differently.
Fair Play consists of no more than 4 symbols, which could be easily signed in the palm of your hand as a reminder. Asked to solve a problem, your hand will then guide you through the order of the conversation in order to peacefully come to a workable solution for all parties. Soon though, you will switch back and foreword between the symbols to steer all your conversations in a constructive Fair Play game.
In research, we found that brains only take feedback before and while they are learning a new task, mostly by imitating a model, such as a more experienced colleague or friend. Afterwards, all feedback is lost or works negatively, unless it is on request of the participant mastering a task in a safe context, such as in video games. Thus, unless feedback are task guidelines given in advance òr a non-judgmental measurement of honestly comparing expenditures to results (progress), it always works destructive!
People like to help, but without uploading too much trouble or responsibility for themselves. Otherwise, workload will skew, boundaries will be transgressed and resentment sets in. If you could help people reach their potential by guiding them into solution oriented thinking, finding their own possibilities to adapt, keeping up with their boundaries –and emotions-, wouldn’t that be more rewarding?
In relationships, we’d like to feel understood. It makes us feel valuable, our work noteworthy, it provides us with an identity and belonging. If we could take care of another, without being sucked into a game or triangulated between other parties, while still getting our results or needs met, we create a chance for real connection and exchange.
By training a new rule, you could question if this rule is indeed better, more ethical, more logical, more efficient, more adapted…? Are you really sure? For who? And in what context?
Imposing new rules or behavior doesn't guarantee that this works or contributes to the required results or satisfaction of the relationship or a happy life. Are you sure you know the real cause or game dynamics? A creative interaction process starting from solutions that worked already does! Moreover, our recent research (it is not even publicized yet!) found out that the qEEG of people normalizes after they got an aversive addictive stimulus from the past. We thus need to trick the brain with healthy similar behavior.
New rules or procedures that are externally pressured are hard to follow, even if we’d like to comply. Chances are our old habits, daily worries and scatter take over or we irrationally rebel or resist, since energy is given to own priorities. If solutions are brought up by people themselves, however, we are not only assured they stem from their own experience and thus possible for them to keep up with, but thought over and spoken out loud this extends to a social contract people intent to keep… It becomes an intrinsic motivation under influence of the psychological mechanism of cognitive dissonance.
Now that you understand the 4 symbols, you may as well write them down in the palm of your hand as a reminder. We’ll put them to use in the following 8 cases:
A complaint about someone else
A complaint about you
You have a complaint
You have bad news
You have an objection
You want to stop a destructive habit
You want to comply to a new procedure or strategy
You want to have a happy life and feel good
[experiences translated to actions or countable measures]
In this, you are always inviting the others in the creative solution focused process. Even if it is your complaint, you want them to think about the solutions, since you need their cooperation. You could make an exception when you are looking for healthy habits and a happy life for yourself, but with cooperation from your environment, your success rate will be higher. So, in this case, first, do the exercise alone, then with significant others.
After having found what really promotes solutions for cooperation, comfort and results, you need to install the requirements by taking action.
This action can be everything! It could even mean thinking differently about a situation or let the situation pass and relax. Important in installing promotors is:
1. It has proven it worked in this or a similar situation
2. It is a solution to a real need, not a compensation behavior or unhealthy coping to a situation that ignores your real values. It is therefore important to notice and validate bad feelings, every time! Yours and someone else’s…
Exercising with people you are less involved with is easier. So you may start with that.
Don’t give up after the first time; the first failure. It is a skill that needs mastering. If you manage to do the first finger, you’ve won already. Just try to involve the next finger in every conversation…
With switching sides, we want to point out that you or others may object as well and state one’s bad feelings (validate!) and ideal situation. Situations can be combined and rewind to the past to find ‘case studies’.
In the process, you start with following this order, but soon, you’ll need to go back and forth to validate bad feelings, to clarify or adjust situations and actions or behavior wishes and to rewind several times for creative solution processing. But always end with clear To Do’s and being grateful for the rewarding process. (You may want to put a rose under your thumb… )
We even recommend to use this frame for strategic presentations and brainstorming sessions with interactive cooperation for the best solutions supported by all.
From out of the found working solutions, you are then able to look around for more optimized forms of solutions or experiment with new creations made out of workable solutions…
Users will take the elephant trail!
So as a designer, you want to know the desire lines...